IT'S MY CULTURE.

I have a confession to make. A very damning one. In April this year I knew more than 50 kids would die this month alone, and I did nothing about it. Nothing. Before you start judging, I suspect that you too knew but also did nothing. This makes us accessories to murder. The reason we did nothing is simple, in the past, when we raised questions about the issue, we got the age-old South African response "it's my culture". In the current South African Political and social climate those three words are uttered whenever one questions any morally-suspicious behaviour. For instance, if I were to ask some of our leader(s) why when they married a second, third or fourth wife, the wife tended to be a couple of decades younger than them, the retort is most likely to be "don't question things of which you have no knowledge, IT'S MY CULTURE". In other words, shut up, and stop insulting me with your perfectly sensible questions.

Back to my damning confession. In our country we have a myriad of cultural practices that are common amongst several groups. One of those is the coming-of-age rite, which generally includes circumcision for males. The primary aim of the practice is to prepare young men to assume their intended role in their communities, that of being primarily successful heads of households, knowing that the "training" received "on the mountain" has prepared them for any curveballs LIFE will throw at them. The word LIFE is capitalized here because that's the primary focus of my argument here. Unfortunately, in recent years, across all groups that practice this rite of passage, horrible deaths and mutilations occur. So much so that we know before the start of any winter that boys are going to lose their LIFE in a process that purports to prepare them for it. Really, prepare them for a life that they may not turn out to have because the preparation took them away. Put another way, would you take an exam to become a better father or mother if there was a chance it might leave you unable to have children? I think not. So, why oh why, do we let the carnage  go on? Well it's simple, It's my culture.

In the  past week, listening to the current MEC for social services in Mpumalanga was a very painful experience. When asked why the provincial government could not intervene in a case where up to 30 boys had lost their lives she retorted, as a woman, I have no right to question certain cultural practices. Well, I'll be damned, in certain cultural practices she shouldn't preside over men because, wait for it, it's my culture. I refuse to be part of a culture that refuses any parent the right to question why their child died, unnecessarily even.

There is this mistaken notion in our current climate that says anyone who challenges or questions aspects of culture is a  lost soul. This notion exists because we are made to believe that culture is unchangeable and that's that. Attempting to modify aspects of it is regarded as rejecting it. In his book, Outliers: The story of success, Malcolm Gladwell tells one particular story of the South Korean national air carrier. Where most countries were having 0,27 fatal crashes per million flights, they had 4,27 fatal crashes per million flights. In other words, boarding a South Korean flight in 1989 meant you were a 17 times more likely to die in a crash than boarding say, a British Airways flight. The investigation into why this was the case revealed that because South Koreans have a very deferential attitude to authority, subordinates in the flight crew found it almost impossible to question their captains' actions. In other words,the South Koreans cultural make-up if you like, made their national carrier more dangerous than any other in the world. Do you know what the South Koreans did when they found out their culture was killing them? I'll tell you what they didn't do, they did not become offended because the experts conducting the investigations were white people from Britain and America, they did not feel insulted because South Koreans were found to have an unhealthy respect for authority. They changed that aspect of their culture when it came to training pilots.  To save lives. They certainly did not say "it's my culture". Korean Pilots are now trained to question and challenge authority. To go against their culture.  By 1999, ten years later, their airline was as safe as British Airways. Because they dared to question and modify their culture.(In less than 10 years one might add).

Why are we so caught up in this "it's my culture" defense when kids are dying. People whom culture is supposed to protect. I have a few suggestions as to why, and many will not go down well with most people . Firstly, we do not value our own lives as much as we'd like others to think. We value being regarded as "culturally sound" more than life itself, leading many parents to sacrifice their beloved children on the altar of culture. And then they are not even allowed to question the circumstances sorrounding the death. Well, you and I cannot sit back any longer. Because we know that culture must serve people and not the opposite, lets engage in a learned way with culture. Jealously protecting those aspects that serve us, like lobola, modernizing those that don't. Going to the mountain must preserve life, not destroy it. I'm tired of being an accessory to murder, aren't you? Secondly, South African society has this tendency to require a person to "qualify" before challenging certain things. For instance, if this was written by a white person, we would be mightily offended, asking, what "qualifies" him/her. Or if I question why a leader who has no obvious wealth of his own continues to marry like it's going out of fashion, I'd be told to mind "you own culture". And then we wonder why the Guptas own our country. Or why some leaders continue to be MPs when they clearly are not interested or incapable of doing the job, the qualifying question will be, do you have any idea what she did in the struggle?

Every time somebody says to you it's my culture or insuates that you do not "qualify" to ask a certain question, tell them "It's my country too, and I respect the gift of life".  That's the only way we are going to save the lives of those boys going to the mountain next year and beyond. Question and challenge, even if they claim you dont qualify.

Fighting Private Battles Publicly

Angelina Jolie. Just the mention of that name is probably enough to turn off those that are totally anti-Hollywood. I hope if you are one of those people you'll bear with me long enough to find out why this past week, she turned from just another Hollywood star to an activist, a leader( for me at least.)

You may have read in the news that she went for a cancer screening test and on discovering that she had an 87% chance of getting cancer, she decided to have a double mastectomy. Both breasts removed. Not only that, she chose to let the whole world know about it. This is what I found absolutely Amazing. You see, so many of us fight battles with unmentionable enemies day in and day out. Some of us win those battles, needless to say, some lose. But we've been socialized to think that our private battles are just that, private. That it's not only a sign of weakness to publicize your private battles but its also a shameless plea for pity. And we know that self pity is considered a strong sign of weakness.

Back to Mrs Pitt, Angelina Jolie, I can tell you now that there are thousands of women who were wallowing in the self-pity that comes with having your breasts removed. Not out of choice but because they were faced with death. These women have now found out that even the most privileged in our society have issues over which they have no power. Those women, at least some of them, will go to bed knowing that they are not alone. Bravery in battle isn't just dependant on how skilled you are at fighting, but also on knowing that there are other soldiers around you who know and understand your battle. Not because they've read about it, but because they are going through it in exactly the same way that you are.

We are often told that the best kind of leadership there is is by example. Leadership by example in our world is sorely lacking. More often than not, political figures are in the news because they've failed this simple adage, leading by example. Sounds easy enough, Tokyo Sexwale nearly pulled it off when he spent the night in a shack in Diepsloot, sadly, we've haven't heard anything emanating from that stunt. I say stunt because it was planned, like a stunt in the movies. See, leading by example cannot be planned, it must come naturally. Angelina Jolie could never have planned to have an 87% chance of getting cancer, so it was such a bold move on her part to decide to fight her personal battle in public, and in the process, inspire so many women. And Men. She is leading by example.

So many men are fighting private battles against prostate cancer, AIDS and other incurable diseases. I cannot imagine the loneliness of such a battle in a world such as ours where being a man means suffering in silence. Admitting to an incurable disease is considered a sign of weakness. Embarrassing even. Hence the unnecessary stigma that's still killing so many people in our country. We could have so many Angelina Jolie's in our midst if only we understood what drove Mrs Pitt to share her private battle with the world. Leading by example.

Ive made a pact with myself. Because of her selfless act that has inspired so many people around the world, I will move heaven and earth to watch her next movie. Not because she needs my money, but as a way of saying thanking you for her leadership. No longer will I consider her an anomaly for adopting so many children, I will always consider her a hero, a leader above many. She's such an inspiration.